So that I Can Move Mountains

1 If I speak the languages of men and of angels, but do not have love,  
I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy,
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith, so that I can move mountains,
but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor,
and if I give my body to be burned,
but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy;
is not boastful; is not conceited;
5 does not act improperly; is not selfish;
is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs;
6 finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends.
But as for prophecies, they will come to an end;
as for languages, they will cease;
as for knowledge, it will come to an end.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when the perfect comes, the partial will come to an end.
11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child,
I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put aside childish things.
12 For now we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face.
Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known.
13 Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13




A heart empty, sad, and cold
Longing for a heart of gold
An examination of the self
Longing for a heart of health
Do not hold yourself to blame
Then you'll create a heart of shame

Love is not boastful nor conceited
Don't let your desire be defeated
It is not selfish or provoked
But should remain equally yoked

It keeps no records of your wrongs
No matter the hurt felt for so long
Whether I know fully or in part
The love residing in my heart
I shall learn to rejoice in truth
Relinquishing my immature youth
For a love I cannot envy
But does a soul exist within me?

Without love, nothing can be known
And so I'll spend my days alone
In learning how I'll bear the weight
I can't afford to hesitate

And now these three remain
The faith and hope to face the pain
Yet, the greatest of these is love
Only to find standards I fall short of
The standard of original sin
Still I know love never ends

Love is patient, love is kind
It's something I have yet to find
But I intend to discover
That I am nothing but a lover.

A Prose Piece I Wrote for English

What is real that isn't measurable?

Forgiveness; by far one of the hardest things to measure, how much to give, how much to receive. The power of prayer; a power so great it can move mountains and reach to the ends of the earth. Sincere forgiveness is the most difficult gift to give because not only is pardon being given and pain being released, but a piece of the heart is lost. The offender can take that piece and do whatever they wish to it; be it a continuous battering or a consistent nurturing. Prayer, the easiest gift to give; a loving request that God will work in His mightiest ways. The hardest words I have ever had to say have been, “Can you forgive me?” Equally as difficult, praying out loud has left me frightened, self-conscious, and tongue-tied because I’m too afraid of what someone might think of my requests and eloquence more so than what the Holy and Almighty Lord thinks. For some reason humans desire to hold on to the pain caused to them and return it tenfold. The sweetest release is giving it all to God, healer of hearts, and savior of souls, and being able to recognize His voice when He speaks.


I’ve heard story upon story about people whose families have been brutally murdered or accidentally killed and when the individual came face to face with the one who took their loved one, they were able to look them in the eye and say I forgive you. I like to think that I would be so confident in my spiritual walk that I would be able to do the same, but pray I’m never faced with the situation. But it scares me that even little things are hard to forgive; hurtful words, mean glances, honest mistakes. I’ve come to find that only God can mend a heart and it happens over the course of His perfectly planned schedule. I understand now that Christians suffer for many legitimate reasons; no pain is ever without cause. As humans, we like to hurt; we continually cause ourselves pain, and for what reason? For pity? For sympathy? For nothing. Through prayer, we gain wisdom; through forgiveness, we gain peace.

I have discovered that humbling oneself and asking for forgiveness, as well as, asking for God’s blessing on any situation is far more fulfilling than any method of revenge could ever be. Forgiveness isn’t a one way thing; it takes two to Tango. Both parties have to recognize they were in the wrong; one for holding a grudge, bad thoughts about the offender are inevitable, and the other for trespassing against their friend, intentionally or unintentionally.

Sin is an awfully ugly thing; inherently instilled within our genetic make-up. Neither can we escape it, nor redeem ourselves when in the wrong, being almost every moment of our lives. But for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction that occurs. For every sin, there is a grace so beautiful, it’s truly unfathomable. When beginning to grasp the immensity of this concept called grace, brokenness and a new desire to be obedient to God as He has been obedient to every lowly sinner burns within the soul and heart and mind.

My sins are real, but immeasurable. God’s loving grace is real, but immeasurable. And for that, I am immeasurably grateful.



Ephesians 3:20-21 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Reflection

A rainy night
Through foggy windows
A heart so light
Sexual innuendos
A boy in plaid
A man in mind
And for you I will find the time

Unaware of what to do
Yet a desire to be here for you
At first it felt to be ordained
And now I feel I should be blamed

Please don’t let this fall to ruin
Overhead a storm is brewing
I see a man humbled and broken
With so many words that go unspoken
I want to speak and prick your heart
So that we may end this endless dark

For perfection, I never asked
Just for a loved to go unmasked
In God’s image you’re beautifully made
Through Jesus Christ your debts are paid

I cry and hope and think and pray
You won’t so readily runaway
A hunger burns within my soul
For my halves to be made whole
For all I wanted was a friend
My heart I trust my God to mend

I’ve had far too many steps to take
On this long journey of mistakes
Why must this be so complicated?
For I fear my heart will end up jaded.

I’ve found my heart is prone to wander
A spiritual thief I pillage and plunder
Through poetry we speak our souls
An attraction like magnetic poles
And on a ship we’ll sail away
Into a dawn of a new day

You wish, a heart light as a feather
You hope, hidden within a stone
Guarded mores so now, however
It could cause you to end alone

Through constant prayer I want to find
A desire to unite heart and mind
So I sit and try to wait
For this worry to dissipate

But everything can be redeemed
And return to how it once had seemed

For your soft lips, I still long
How could such chemistry be so wrong?
Sinful desire, a playful tease
Wanting you to want me to fall on your knees

The ink on your arm speaks vivid and true
An unfolding mystery without any clues
Don’t you forget to remember me
Whatever happens is what’s meant to be

But with our kisses, I have yet
Found everything I do regret.

I Write Love with a Cursive L

I write love with a cursive L,
the loops and curves my feelings quell.
A million secrets his lips do tell,
And for this boy I easily fell.

And on that day I couldn't catch his eye
Until the moment we spoke goodbye,
And for his arms I thought I'd reach,
but instead I turned and lost my speech.

And so my God, I gave it to you.
Emotionally broken and battered and blue.
And through green eyes you gave me hope,
long after I'd hit the end of the rope.

A beautiful creature
A star the fell
To keep me from heaven
and save me from hell.

I find myself wishing to be in his light,
hoping that my heart could ever shine that bright.

But still I wander back to the night,
because it's all I comfortably know,
A blind future is an awful fright,
And to the light I refuse to go.

I'm happy in my comfort zone
which I know you're sure to erase.
But for the beauty to unfold
it's something I want to face.

But in this shadow, I'll playfully hide,
Until you want me by your side.
From that moment on let church bells ring,
and from that moment on we'll sing:

Hallelujah, you were made for me.
Hallelujah, saved from misery.
And from this day I'll love you best
From this moment on and through the rest.
And through our sins and shortcomings we'll fight,
And within forgiveness we'll find a light.

I write love with a cursive L,
and for my darling I forever fell.

To God be the glory,
this is our story,
Forever and ever.

Amen.

Uprooted

Along with the Marigolds
We water the Weeds
Along with the Truth
We plant filthy seeds
Saying one thing, yet doing another
Like tangled thorns, the flowers we smother.

With our sins we strangle beauty
But never truly is it dead
Our souls are never tragic
It’s all just in our heads

Unnecessarily, we beat ourselves down
In rains of sorrow, we’re sure to drown.
Confined to a basin, We’ll never be free
A life to hasten, time’s an enemy.

Marigolds, Magnolias, and Rosies
Hibiscus, Lilies, and Posies,
Numbers of flowers outnumber the weeds
Like evil outnumbers the charitable deeds.

With limbs stretched upward, petals towards the sky,
Our hopes are restored with every passerby.
The wind tries to sway us, we remain bent but not broken,
The children cause a ruckus, our stories go unspoken.

The Sun our one, true Savior
He redeemed our misbehavior,
A love one cannot measure,
Through constant pain and pleasure.
In the muck and mire we grow,
Our life a struggle, reap what was sewn.
Petals wither, day fades away,
Within this mire, will we forever stay?
Within the weeds, we’ve began to mold,
Are we ever to escape this familiar chokehold?

Out of the storm, Out of the snow, Out of this Garden I want to go.

Compulsion

I’ve got an addiction To friends that are foe
All their truths fiction
Constant pain I undergo

Trust far too easy
As easy as one, two, three
That was until you turned your back
Now, through a hardened heart I see

You started out different
Nothing like the rest
A betrayal I couldn’t prevent
And now you’ve hurt me best

Now I understand
I’ll face disappointment every day of my life
A relationship contraband
Friendship a cold, unforgiving knife

I want to be heartless
Revenge a dish best served cold
A love I can’t repress
Forgiveness uncontrolled

I keep coming back
For the pain or the pleasure, I can’t discern
A full-frontal attack
Maybe one day I’ll finally learn

I’ll continue to give
You’ll continue to take
And the wrong decisions
I’ll continue to make

I’ll beat your eardrum until it bleeds
Maybe one day I’ll find someone who can give me what I need
Eye for eye, tooth for tooth
Love is patient and kind, an uncanny truth.

"Half of my heart has a hold of the situation."

According to dictionary.com, friend, in the terms of a noun, means: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. When used as a verb, usually the term 'befriend', the word preceding that definition is 'rare'; this word being by far the most accurate of all when searching for a synonym.

An incredibly wise man, C.S. Lewis, once said, "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." During this day and age, friendship has little value as a whole, much less adding anything to life. And so we ask, "Why can't we all be friends?" Because we all grow up to be self-centered, egotistic, careless morons, that consider friendship to be only for personal gain and only appropriate for when it's convient for the individual not the group; because we like to talk and not listen, recieve and never give, that's why.

I've tried different methods of making friends. I've sat and waited for them to find me. I've gone out and searched endlessly for them. Yet I end up in the same exact ditch I was in from the start. Maybe it's a cruel cycle that everyone goes through; maybe there's just something horribly wrong with me that no one will be kind enough to inform me of. Has anyone ever found true friendship? Maybe, but how can we know? The definition of being a friend is rather pitiful; just because I have affectionate feeling for you doesn't mean you're my friend; just because I'm affectionate towards you doesn't mean you won't walk all over me.

Some unknown person once said, "Life hasn't forsaken you, you have forsaken yourself with your actions." So if I've never left your side when you needed someone to hold your hand, if I've held you when your first love broke up with you instead of patting you on the hand and saying oh, you'll be fine, if I've invited you to go everywhere I've gone, if I've paid for you ice cream when you left you debit card at home, if I've picked you up from work or driven you to the mall because your car was in the shop, if I've made you cards for every holiday on the Calendar, if I've told you I love you and meant it, if I've never betrayed you, if I've never told your secrets, if I've never kept anything from you, been totally honest one hundred percent of the time, how have my actions possibly forsaken our friendship.  Does no one understand a relationship is between two people, that it takes both forces, both beings to make it work?

As a child, I only owned two best friend neklaces. Both were in the shapes of hearts, and both I bought for myself and my "best friend." I understand that the original concept of best friend necklaces is that the other person owning the other half of the necklace also has the other half of my heart. Unfortunately, in actuality,   the heart was halved in two, jagged pieces when you decided you were done with the whole friendship business and decided to move on to bigger and better hearts. Sadly enough, I still have my half of the necklace and only half of my heart. Friendship, along with friendship necklaces, should be like Yin and Yang; both can stand free of each other but are much stronger, much lovelier when together. They compliment each other; I bring out the best in you, you bring out the best in me. Like puzzle pieces, we fit together; you complete my picture.

Have I given up hope? Not really. Do I expect to ever have a "best friend"? I like to think that there's a piece to my puzzle out in the world somewhere, and the only piece that may fit properly may be my future husband; that being a completely different and far more complicated search.

Yet, we continue. Why stop, with only half of my heart left, there's not much left to lose.