Wine

The best loves go sour
once fruitful,
grapes of wrath made into bitter wine
the poison-selfishness starting from the vine
Vineyard wires, the only support
and with a steely grip, they hold me to you

Your lips were once sweet
saying words I’d only dream to hear,
still drunken words, the furthest sip from sincere
I thought you turned from water
The scoffers tried to warn
I was willing to be blind and torn

You toppled me over, spilt me on the ground
I seeped into the earth, where no hands came to lift me
A broken bottle, forgotten, ignored, unsound
I still wouldn’t believe,

You’d promised me you’d keep
Your promises.

But you are the cheap wine
that untamed girls steal from the cellar
for an excuse to “have a good time”
and when you’re used up,
left in the bed of an old pick-up truck,
the morning dew, will bead on you, and

Reveal the wrappings gone,
the edges rough, forever able to cut,

yet

You’re still an empty bottle.

Crosses and Arrows

The earth is populated with billions of people. These people are broken down into categories by age, social status, religious views, etc., but one of the most important categories is gender. There are men and there are women. There are boys and there are girls. Due to the creativity, design, and nature of God, men and women were meant to live together in harmony, intimacy, and equality.

But here's the problem: We're all big, fat, selfish jerks. 

Recently, there have been circumstances that have lead me to really evaluate the relationship between men and women. There's no doubt that we have our differences; not even the most intelligent of geniuses can figure out why men and women do some of the things they do. Men claim that there is a secret hidden somewhere within the universe that will unlock all knowledge and understanding of women. Unfortunately, it's not that easy, but I am going to let all of you men out there in on why women do some of the things that we do so you can't go on being clueless and treating us like the assholes the entire male gender has been stereotyped to be. In case you were wondering, this is what we need from you:

Number one, women have these things called emotions, and they range from angry stampeding wildebeest to total aquatic nuclear meltdown. Just in case you haven't noticed, these emotions drive everything, and I mean everything, that we do. At some points in time, these emotions are extremely heightened, and can literally endanger you life, i.e. when it's "that time of the month." And as an important side note, during this said period of time, we rarely have control over our inner raging wildebeest; therefore, making a comment about how we turn into Mrs. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde during this time is not a good idea. 

Because women are driven by emotion, women need to be and want to be understood. We don't always have to be agreed with or told we're right, believe it or not, we just want you to listen to what's upsetting us, hurting us, making us uncomfortable. When you understand where a woman is coming from, you have shown her that you care because you took the time to listen and didn't brush it off as "just a girl problem."

Secondly, like women want to be understood, we want to be fought and cared for. Women were created to complete men, to have covenant and companionship. We are your fitting puzzle piece whether you like it or not. The thing is we aren't going to fit perfectly, you are going to have to fight with us and for us in order maintain the big picture. Sometimes you even have to fight yourself. God had called men to be the head of the household. That doesn't mean that Eve stays home and does all the domestic chores and cutesy feminine crafts and has babies, or that Adam is the bread winner, grass-mowing, oil-changing, sperm donor. It means that the man would give his life to protect his family, treats his wife with respect and kindness as an equal, and makes the final decision. It means that the wife submits to her husband's authority whether or not she agrees with him, and she trusts that if his decision is the wrong one, Jesus will reconcile and extend his grace. She also encourages him, prays for him, and appreciates him. 

Thirdly, women MUST have respect. It is one of the most important things in the world to us, and I could list thousands of reasons why. When a man respects a woman, he extends the same grace, forgiveness, kindness, and unconditional love to her that Christ extends to everyone on a daily basis. If you respect a woman, she will undoubtedly return the favor. Another important side note, sex is a very important relationship aspect to men (which it should be to both parties); it was created to be the most intimate, sacred, holy of fellowships with your spouse, so why on earth would I ever want to share that experience with you when you treat me like I'm nothing more than a sack of potatoes? Just food for thought.

Finally, Men mean everything to women. Yes, many of us are confident, independent, have great careers, but our number one thing in our life is our man. When a woman is single, her girlfriends tell her the typical, "Oh girl, don't you let having a man or not define you." Well, whether we have a man or not doesn't define us, but the relationship that we have with our man validates us. A great man and a great relationship is what we want in the deepest, most secretive crevices of our hearts. For a man, it is his job and his success. Somehow we have all fallen guilty of allowing everything BUT Jesus Christ to validate us. Regardless, a woman will love her man with every ounce of her heart and do anything to keep him and make him happy. (Until the two of you have been married for quite some time, then things change a little bit, but still...) So, when something goes wrong at work, and you take it out on us, our soul is literally crushed. We feel unworthy, disrespected, and like we can't do anything right, just because of some silly words said out of anger. Men, you have the power to absolutely crush us, and maybe not even realize it. So, think about what you say, how you conduct yourself, and how you treat us whether we're friends, family, or lovers. 

Very quickly, so I'm not considered a crazy feminist, Ladies, this is what men need from you:

1. Men need to be trusted. - Men are called to be leaders. They are pressured from the days they are born to be examples and guides for EVERYONE to inspect and criticize. They are thrown right into the fire of judgement whether they're ready or not. That's no easy thing, because failure is their biggest fear, no matter what. So, encourage them, support them, and compliment them in front of others.

2. Men need acceptance for who they are and how they are. - Trust me, they aren't changing for anyone, and that's alright, because the only person who should force change is Jesus Christ, and that's because he literally knows everything. I'll let him handle my man's flaws, as well as mine.

3. Men need  to be appreciated. - Really this need goes for everyone. Humans take everything  and everyone for granted. It's like that stupid country song by Tim McGraw, "Live like YOU were dying." There's already a problem. We should go through life living like everyone was dying.

Because everyone is dying. You don't know when you or your loved one's last day is. Don't go to sleep angry. Don't say things you know will hurt someone. Don't be bitter. Forgive, forget, and find peace. I truly believe that those who live to serve lead long and joyful lives. Who in the world has ever felt bad for doing something right? 

Yes, this was certainly an attempt to allow a glimpse into the mind of a woman, of most women. There will always be exceptions to every rule. But most of all, this is a call to just be decent to people. Who knows what that girl serving coffee is going through, or what that basketball player is dealing with. We were made for each other; to support, encourage, accept, grow, help, and love.

So let's start acting like it.

Nervosa

*Published in North Greenville University's Mountain Laurel
                                                                                               

Hit the ground running
Run until exhaustion
Exhausting calorie counter
Countless, the hours
Hours that melt like Dali clocks
Clocks which spell a battle of loss

Each pound is a loss

Every night, until midnight I am running
Each stride, see clocks, sea clocks
One less, bright bones, sheer thin, my lover, exhaustion
So slim, the hours
The scale, stepper-stairs, thin air, a failure counter

My heart, a dying rhythmic counter
My life they might count a loss
But I am strong; I lie inside myself for hours
My mind racing, running
For the battle that lives there knows not exhaustion
circle-chasing perfection, around the clock

Pendulums swing, tick tock, sleep - enemies of clocks
to stand, I grasp the counter
One, two, five, six fingers bleed in exhaustion
My best  friend was a loss
She never stopped running
now, she is dead in the hours

Stop the hours
Stop the clocks
Stop the running
Stop the counter
Stop the loss
Stop the, me…exhaustion

Tomb-made exhaustion
I want to sleep for hours
My dreams are long lost
The clocks
on the counter
are still running

I…running, until exhaustion
Counterfeit the hours
Beg to bribe to…stop this scale-clock of loss

Forever_

I hope this doesn’t wake you; peacefully asleep.

I can see you as clearly as the orange and yellow toothbrush,
left on the sink like the memory card in my computer.
It holds pictures of your lips, hands, eyes.
As you slept beside me, although I worried,
it was all worth knowing you were right there.

The days that I wake, I hope to your voice,
because I have you
I know that I am worth living for.

Listen to me, let me find that t r a n s c e d e n t
place within myself
that will one day find the words,
the ones that will give you that a-ha moment,
that will make everything beautiful.

You are alive for only awhile.
And do we measure it in moments that we feel
alive, or the amount of air that’s in our lungs?

I have given you a name, I call you friend, yet we are

Something more
My entire life, I hope to spend
being here with you being there, too.
And if you aren’t, it will all be worth
knowing you’re somewhere,

with breath in your lungs.

I hope that you will see
when you stand before yourself,
you stand before Me.
You, yourself are worth living for.

Although you grow weary
from walking that line,
the one that crosses my collar bones and
hopes to die, the one the rests in my laughs
and runs on my sighs,

You are here, 

like barbells in the crook of
my ear, and bandages on bruised knees.

The time I’ve spent on them,
swirling in the s u p e r n a t u r a l,
hoping, praying, that you will know.

You are the strum in a stream.
Guitar necks prop your broken soul,
and I am praying you will know,
You are worth living for.                                                                                                       

One alone is only half the heat,
I couldn’t bear to sleep without
my feet entangled within your feet.
You keep me warm, grounded.
Like Gravity.

Here are these letters that make up words;    
I want them to tell you something you’ve
always known, I want them to keep you through
the morning.

And the next.
And the next.
And the next.

Forever.

I want them to keep you,
You are worth living for(ever).

Sanctuaries

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
An anchor that refuses to sink beneath the dead-tossed waves.
Jesus holds you in the highest of arms,
Because even on the ocean floor on which you lie, where the deepest of sins
Are slain, His loss still drowns the flames.

Believe in the love that guides from the True North,
Even when you hide in the shell of past mistakes,
The screams of dying dreams burst forth
And the whispering wind claims your life a funeral wake.

Love has warped out of sincerity into concluding conversations,
It’s become a lazy I-L-Y abbreviation, when it’s meant for your heart,
Your soul, your strength, your mind,
For your neighbor, your spouse, your child, your God.
A color visible only to the blind.

Do not wish hell on even the bitterest enemies,
For we know not when we entertain angels,
caught as patron saints of lost causes
or lukewarm worshippers of inactivity.

Be still in the equality of sin and the unfairness of life,
A seemingly broken and scattered church-wife,
Regard the sanctuaries without steeples, missions mismarked, off course,
The crooks will steal, and the possessed pigs squeal,
But there is no evil
that could ever divorce God from His people.

So, my God is enough for me, and it is well with my soul!
For who have I but You to conquer the things I’ll never need,
Who have I but You to claim my victory?
My freedom is here, with the spirit that touches the coal to my lips,
The One that designed the most delicate of maps on my fingertips.

For even the smallest of sparrows are fed,
By faith as swift and sure as resurrected eagles mounting the morning air,
On each created crown, not one unaccounted for hair,
As a seal upon my heart, a debt paid crimson red,
I have been crucified with Christ, and

The Savior is not Dead.